Religion: Right or Wrong?
The longer I’m in the Midwest, the more worried I become about Trump voters.
This is a fictional account of a farming couple’s conversation as Jake takes his wife, Edwina, to work in their beat-up truck. It is an amalgamation of terms and phrases I’ve heard in different places at different times, all rolled into a conversation. It may offend some of my readers; I’m sorry for that. This is not an unusual stereotypical conversation I’ve heard in Missouri.
“So… them homosexuals gonna get married now, or what?” Asked Jake, chewing on a piece of beef jerky.
“Huh? What the hell are you talking about now?” Asked Edwina, or Eddie, as she is known.
“You know thez ones. They’ez jes talk’in ‘bout ’em on the radio. Thez
ones in Massachusetts.”
“I don’t know Jake. So what if they do get married? Is that going to hurt
you in any way? Will it have the slightest impact on your life? Just drive me to work; I’ve heard enough of your blathering and bleating.”
Jake is not going to let anything go, in fact, he’s going to drive home with a religious outlook.
“Ah nowz, but it’s the sanctity of a marriage what’s at stake Eddie. Course it ain’t gonna hurt me none. Hey, ya know what this all reminds me of?”
“No… Jake, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“It’z wot the president said ‘bout ‘once, shame on me. Twice, shame on me,
or waz it twice shame on me, one time… shame on you twice? Oh, ahz
don’t know, but anywayz, you kin see mah point can’t cha?”
Eddie is doing her best to ignore him, stupid goat, she thinks. The damn years she could have lived somewhere else.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Could you please just stop jawing for the sake of jawing and drive a little faster. I’m goning to be late.”
“It’s God hiself ah’m talk’in ‘bout woman. God don’t want no homos gett’in it on tagether!”
“Don’t you ever listen to anything you hear in church, Jake? He is not a hateful God. If you really want to know what I think, I think He just wants us all to get along, be productive and do whatever we can as individuals to improve living conditions for everyone around the world.”
“Ya still don’t see mah point, do ya? Lemmie give ya an example. You
know that goat ah’m fix’in ta buy ta keep the grass short?”
“Yes,” she sighs, rolling her eyes. “We talked about it. You’re too damn lazy to mow the lawn so you thought you could get out of it by buying a goat. Yes, I
recall you mentioning it.”
“Well now, what’s ta keep me from up an marry’in her? If them homersexials kin do it, why can’t I?”
“Jake, for a man who attends church every Sunday, you’re sick. You know that? What God fearing man would allow himself to think that way?”
“Well, fer one thing, if God don’t care ‘bout the homos, why would He
care ‘bout me an Gerta? It’s the same thing, don’t cha see?”
“No Jake, I don’t see. For one thing, same-sex marriages take place between people, not farm animals. What you’re talking about has nothing to do with marriage.”
“No ah ain’t, ah’m talkin ‘bout animal husbandry. Now… it’s a scientific fact that ah could be a husband ta old Gerta the goat cause science got it all classified down.”
“I swear Jake, sometimes I can’t believe what I married. Thank God I’m
arriving at work and I don’t have to carry on this conversation.”
“Well, you do yerself a favor naw Eddie an think over what ah been
say’in. Ah bet after a while, you’ll be see’in things mah way after
all’s said an done.”
“Maybe… if someone put a gun to my head, I would. In the meantime,”
said Eddie as she opened the door of the old pick-up. “I think I hear Gerta calling you. Why don’t you two go on a picnic or something? You know, break the ice, try to get to know each other.”
“That’s a mighty fine idea Eddie, ah think ah jes might do that. Ah bet
she’s fond a carrots.”
“Yes, Jake. I bet she is. Go for it.”
Views on homosexuality within the religious right can vary, of course. Some hold conservative beliefs that see homosexuality as incompatible with their religious teachings. However, individual opinions within this group differ, with others not subscribing to the same views.
On a personal note, having several gay friends whom I love and keep close, I’ll quote the poet McKuen. It’s not who you love or how you love, but that you love.
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Thanks for reading.
