Wipe, Rinse, and Repeat
A Charmin Poem if I say so myself.
I always go to Costco
To buy my toilet rolls
Perhaps I’ll buy a hot dog
For more cholesterol
It took an hour to park
But then I found a place
I really had to be quick
Someone else the space
I got my click when walking in
He didn’t say good morning
Just casually browsed my card
Before I join the swarming
I tasted the products offered
Apple juice and honey
Cheese, and jam, and sausage
My stomach now feels funny
Patiently I wait in line
One item in my cart
Twenty people in front
I’m trying to hold this fart
The guy behind me coughs
He’s bought a fucking tree
He doesn’t cover his mouth
Oops! My fart is flying free
We move another foot or two
I’m tasting that apple tart
The food I ate in the aisle
While brewing another fart
All of this for toilet rolls
Charmin Ultra packs aplenty
I bought a single pack
The cart ahead has twenty
If I don’t get to the register
My butt is going to part
And the silence will be broken
By a Costco sized loud fart
Would you like an upgrade, sir?
To what? I venture shyly
‘Executive’ is a better deal
A hundred bucks does nicely
She stands with card in hand
Okay, Executive sounds fine
You’ll find it’s truly worth it
Is it quicker down the line?
Purchase checked at the door
A line drawn on my receipt
I head off home with Charmin
To wipe, and rinse, and repeat
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